When They Bloom Think of Me
by modestlykeithhelm
Summary: Usagi was unable to protect Misaki when he needed him the most. Can they mend what has been broken? Are there certain trials a relationship just cannot overcome? [DISCLAIMER There are topics covered in this that may be triggering to some people such as: some sexual content, violence, blood, death and suicide.]
1. Chapter 1

Usagi moaned. He snuggled his face into the pillow. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up.

"You're not bad at this. Just wait until I get my hands on **you.**"

His voice was a low seductive growl. He reached back and groped around blindly for Misaki's body. The young man skillfully dodged and continued to firmly knead his Seme's muscles.

"Enough of that! You know, if you weren't always doing weird things to me in the most unconventional settings, you wouldn't have thrown out your back in the first place."

Usagi raised an eyebrow. He mentally replayed their little encounter in the elevator and his anatomy definitely responded.

"Oh? What kind of 'things' have I been doing to you?"

Misaki's face flared beet red. His left eye twitched slightly and he brought his arms in to his chest.

"You know what I mean!" He muttered through his teeth.

Usagi continued his cat and mouse game mercilessly.

"No, I am completely in the dark. You're going to have to elaborate."

Misaki brought a small fist down on the middle of Usagi's spine. Usagi left out an "_oomf_".

"Don't play dumb with me, you pervert! I am not going to say that kind of stuff out loud!"

Usagi abruptly sat up catching Misaki off guard. With a quick maneuver he had Misaki pinned. He loomed over him. He would not look away from Misaki's lips as he licked his own.

"In that case I'll just have to settle for a demonstration."

Misaki couldn't fight him. He couldn't move. His brain was divided. On the one hand he wanted nothing more than to be under Usagi's control and have him take him right there. However the intensity was often overwhelming. Misaki had never known it was possible to feel this much. Usagi had the ability to set his entire nervous system on fire with just a light stroke in the right place.

"U…Usagi-san…I" He was cut off midsentence. He could not speak or think with Usagi's hands where they currently were.

"You know it won't be much longer before you say it."

"Say…what?"

"That you love me."

Misaki spluttered and choked.

"Life is not like one of your stories. You can't just force that out of a guy whenever you wish to hear it."

Usagi squeezed him and a slight yelp escaped Misaki's throat.

"Oh, I won't be forcing you. It will become overwhelming and your confession will just burst from you."

Misaki started to groan but tried to suppress it. This only encouraged Usagi to increase his level of intensity.

"Do not hold back when you're with me."

With a mild amount of self-consciousness, he gave Usagi what he wanted. It was secretly what Misaki wanted too. He actually enjoyed panting into Usagi's ear and giving voice to his darkest thoughts. There was something very liberating about being so exposed and so honest. As the sweat rolled off their backs he realized these times between the sheets with Usagi were the moments he felt most alive.

_You're right, Usagi-san_ he thought to himself as he gazed down at the top of Usagi's head. _One day I will confess it – all of it. I am not going to make it easy for you though._

* * *

The ticking clock was the only sound in the room. Usagi and Misaki lay beside each other spent. It was starting to get late. Misaki would need to get some sleep. He still had classes the following day. He was also starting at his new part time job. He was tired of having Usagi pay for everything and not be able to contribute.

Usagi propped himself up on some pillows and reached for his cigarettes. He placed one between his lips and muttered under his breath as he fiddled with his lighter. Misaki narrowed his eyes and rolled away from him.

"You know that it isn't good for you."

"Oh? You're concerned about my health now?"

"No! I'm right in the room with you though. You might be an old man but I still have my whole life ahead of me."

Usagi ruffled his hair playfully.

"Old man? I am still very much in my prime. I just demonstrated that to you after all. However, if you're requesting an encore that can easily be arranged."

"Um, no thanks. That won't be necessary."

Usagi looked down at the still unlit smoke in his hand and thought for a moment. He placed it back in the pack.

"If it truly bothers you then I won't do it anymore."

Misaki was speechless. Usagi was a stubborn mule who yielded to no man.

"You really mean it? You're going to quit…for me?"

"No. I will start sneaking them on the balcony for you."

Misaki rolled his eyes. He should have known better. Yet he had to admit a step is a step. Usagi pulled aside his covers and stood. Misaki tried not to stare as the moonlight illuminated his impressive figure.

"Where are you going?" He tried not to sound too interested.

"I think I'll do a little bit of writing before turning in. I feel inspired."

_He's going to use what just happened in his story! _Misaki fumed silently from his nest of bedding. _I really fucking hate him sometimes._

The comforter was pulled up to his neck and bunched under his chin. Once Usagi had finished tucking him in he kissed him softly on the forehead.

"Goodnight."

"….night."

_Journal entry 78: It is currently 12:30am.A light has just switched on in the study. He appears to be at his desk. The other one is still in the bedroom. Tomorrow night will be the perfect time. Before this goes any further, action must be taken. _


	2. Chapter 2

A small bell hanging on the door clattered behind Misaki as he stepped inside. He had been in this shop before but today was different. He adjusted the weight of his shoulder bag and started looking around for the manager. There weren't very many customers, just a couple of giggly girls browsing through bouquets.

"What about this, Yuu-chan? They look just like the ones in your hair!"

The smaller blonde girl turned to examine the bundle of white daisies in her companion's hands.

"But, Haruka, they're so plain."

"Yuu-chan! You know I don't have very much money with me."

Misaki spotted a young clerk at the cash register. He put on his most professional smile. He might know where his supervisor was so he could start work. Once the guy was done helping an elderly woman, Misaki approached him.

"Hello, my name is Misaki Takahashi."

The employee snapped his fingers and pointed cartoonishly.

"Yeah! That's right! You're the newbie. The manager, Nowaki Kusama, mentioned that you'd be coming by." He grasped Misaki's hand and shook it firmly. "Unfortunately he's not in right now. He had some big emergency come up with his other job so I'll be showing you the ropes. It's pretty straight forward. My name's Arata Natsuda. My friends call me Natsu." He smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, it's a Fairy Tail reference. I'm pretty into dragons and I have a 'fiery temper'"

Natsu laughed and stepped out from behind the counter. Misaki's first impression of his new coworker was generally positive. He was a little on the chatty side but that was actually a refreshing change of pace. Aside from Keiichi Sumi, no one at school really talked to him. Not outside of the classroom anyhow. Misaki felt weird about being so socially isolated sometimes. Maybe if he kept Usagi-san from picking him up here he could maintain an image of normalcy and make one or two more friends through his job.

Natsu placed a small sign on the counter which read _Ring bell for service_. He gestured to a door at the rear of the store.

"Shall we go get you punched in and in uniform?"

"Sounds good."

"Awesome! Time to suit up!"

Natsu rolled up his sleeves. Misaki noticed that he had the Fairy Tail emblem tattooed on his right bicep. _Looks like his friends aren't the only diehard fans after all._

The store room was chilly and damp. Their overflow stock covered the shelves. A small sprinkler misted them from above at regular intervals.

"This is where we keep much of the merchandise," Natsu explained. "I've got this whole pitch worked out. Let's say two women enter the store. They both want this extravagant lily arrangement for a centerpiece but here's the thing." Natsu paused for effect. "There's only one out front! So the women start bickering over it. They're willing to go to any lengths to get one. That's when yours truly waltzes in and casually mentions he might have seen some more in the back. They're really grateful that I'd go to the trouble for them. I come back here. I find what I'm looking for easily enough but I keep them waiting a tiny bit just so they're on their toes. Here's the best part: I come out with three! I say I managed to find a few extra. They're so relieved I have them on hand that they each leave with two. Now I get to be the hero **and **I've gotten four sales from one item!"

Natsu grinned triumphantly and patted himself on the back. Misaki stared. _So he's more than a little bit nuts._

"You've put a lot of thought into it. Did the manager teach you that?"

"Nowaki? Nah, he's not really crazy about my methods. He says they're 'twisted' and 'center around taking advantage of people.'" Natsu shook his head. "He'll be one hell of a doctor someday but he does not have a head for business."

"What about you?"

"That's easy. When I get together enough money I'm going to open my own place. It'll be even bigger than this dump."

Misaki was caught off guard about how blunt and eccentric he was. However, as he was shown the filing system, the gift wrapping station, and cleaning supplies; he could not deny that Natsu knew what he was talking about. He had a whole battery of tips up his sleeve. Everything from the secret to making perfect ribbon curls to the ideal ratio of solutions to mix when mopping the floor. _He must really love flowers or something._

* * *

The gentleman glared with annoyance as Misaki fumbled with the cash register.

"I'm so sorry. I'm still getting the hang of this."

The business man was unmoved. He glanced at his watch and sighed loudly. Luckily Natsu jumped in.

"Here, let me take care of that."

With a flick of the wrist he had opened the drawer and provided the harried patron with his change. He bowed deeply as he handed it over with both hands.

"We appreciate your patience."

Once the store was empty they switched the sign from _Open_to _Closed_. Misaki let out a long sigh.

"Sorry about that."

"Eh? Oh, don't worry about it. That thing is a dinosaur and it's super temperamental. You'll get it. Good job by the way. I can see why they hired you."

Misaki smiled.

"Thanks. I guess I'll punch out and go home then. I should be able to get back in time to make dinner."

"Have a good night, man. Will you be working tomorrow?"

Misaki thought about it.

"No, Fridays are my day off."

Natsu's face went white as a sheet. His hands hung by his sides. He looked like someone had punched a hole in him.

"Friday? Today was…oh…shit. I am screwed."

_Journal entry 80: It is currently 5:30pm. According to the store hours, the other one should be heading home now. He is still in the building talking to that annoying brat. It doesn't matter. Everything is in place. I've waited this long. I can wait a little bit longer._

* * *

Usagi rose from the couch with Suzuki tucked under his arm. Normally he tried avoid answering the phone in case it was his pain in the ass editor. Tonight he was on edge. He hoped it was Misaki calling him. He was running late.

"Hello?"

"Hi! Hope I'm not disturbing you."

"Takahiro?"

* * *

***In case there was any doubt, that was an allusion to Sakura Trick earlier.***


	3. Chapter 3

"How are you Usagi? I meant to call earlier but I got tied up."

"Time gets away from you, I understand. How is your wife?"

"She is well. We actually have some news. We happen to be in the area and we were wondering if Misaki was there. Manami is dying to have him over for dinner. I figured he could spend the night and tomorrow we'll all get together at your place for a visit. If you're not busy, that is."

"For you, my schedule is always open. He's actually not here at the moment. He was working tonight. I can bring him over once he gets home."

"Hmm…Manami has spent a lot of time cooking and I would hate for us to start our meal too late….I have an idea. I could go surprise him and pick him up. I know he won't have his overnight bag packed but I have some pajamas and such he can borrow. If you have no objections."

Usagi was miffed that he would not be dining with Misaki tonight or seeing him at all really. Meals had always been their special time. However this was his brother and robbing Misaki of their time together would be wrong.

"None come to mind. Let me tell you the address of the shop."

"Thank you. Hold on while I find a pen and paper."

* * *

"Ow! Dammit!"

A tiny drop of blood stood out on Misaki's knuckles. It was one of many. Natsu wilted from a corner when he heard the exclamation.

"Again, you really don't have to stay here to help me. This is my mistake. I am responsible. Ugh how could I have been so stupid?"

"You can say that again! I don't understand how you could allow it to get so late in the day and not have checked the date once! Especially if you have such an important order on the books!"

Misaki retorted as he fastened together a couple Chrysanthemums at the stem with green floral tape. He reached for the baby's breath and started inserting small sprigs to act as an accent.

"Well you don't have to rub it in. Who's training who anyway?"

"Since pageant director's aid is coming to pick up the stuff at 7am and we're only just getting it done now…I'd say it's a bit too close to call. How are the bouquets coming?"

"Splendid! I finished the first place one as well as the runner up. Now I'm just putting the finishing touches on the wreath that will greet people cheerfully at the door. How many corsages have you made?"

"I am on my last one. There's one for the dressing room of each girl."

"Excellent. Your form is quite nice considering the fact this is your first time. If I could make one little suggestion I'd say…"

"Stop trying to make a teachable moment out of this! I would like to get home if it's all the same to you!"

"Fair enough. "

When Misaki stepped outside and checked his phone it was almost seven. They had made good time considering how much work had to be done. _Ugh crap_. Misaki thought of the reaction Usagi was probably having to his tardiness. He reached for his phone when a male voice caught his attention.

"You kept me waiting."

"Pardon?"

Misaki whirled around to face a man roughly about the same age as Usagi, maybe a tad bit younger. His face was narrow and he stared pointedly from behind round lenses.

"Yes, you're very different up close. You seem shorter; your features are passable but far from handsome. Overall I'd say you're a pretty forgettable punk."

Misaki jumped back, startled.

"Listen, I don't know who you are but you can't just come running up to some stranger on the street and start saying stuff like that to them. What's wrong with you?"

Misaki started to back away. This guy was making him nervous. There was a cylindrical object in his fist he couldn't identify.

"Oh but you seem to misunderstand. You and I aren't really strangers, Misaki." Everything seemed to stop. Misaki felt like he was falling though the ground he stood on was solid. He had never had a stronger urge to run in his life but something kept him rooted to the spot, petrified. "You know you really don't deserve him."

The strange item unfolded. Misaki barely had a chance to register the movement before a blow to the gut landed him on his knees and struggling to breathe. He coughed and spat. There was something completely surreal about having another human violently enter one's personal space. He couldn't think straight. The last thing he saw before blacking out was the tip of a boot coming for his face.

_Journal entry 85: It is currently 9pm. I was unable to update until just now. What's done is done. Everything has fallen perfectly into place. Tomorrow morning he will suffer the full extent of his punishment. He deserves it after all._

* * *

Usagi filled his mug to the brim and partially perched on the railing. He looked down on the traffic and the pedestrians. It had been a slow morning. Without Misaki to keep him company he hadn't been as motivated to get out of bed. He checked his watch again and wondered when they would all be arriving. He was just about to start getting impatient when there was a loud buzz. Someone was ringing the bell. _Why isn't he just letting himself in? Did he forget his key? _Usagi held the button and spoke into the intercom.

"Come on up already."

A few moments later Usagi opened the door to reveal Takahiro and his wife standing hand in hand. They both looked clean pressed and presentable. Usagi could not have written a more compatible pair. _If I hadn't found Misaki, this sight might have once inspired some sadness…Wait…Misaki_

"Good morning, Usagi! Sorry about the mix up last night. I somehow got a little bit turned around. By the time I arrived at the location you told me, Misaki was long gone. I tried calling him but they all went to voice mail. I assumed he had just gone home. The whole thing was very spur of the moment so we were disappointed but not shocked. Is he awake?"

A loud crash resonated throughout the room. Coffee splattered on the floor, the walls and Usagi's shoes.

"Usagi!? What the…" Takahiro jumped back a little out of shock. His old friend had gone completely pale. "Usagi?" Without taking the time to explain, Usagi had bolted out the door snatching his keys from the hook as he went. Takahiro could only stand there and yell after him. "Wait! Come back here! Where is my brother?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Trigger warning: There is going to be some harsh content coming up. It is not for the faint of heart. Read with caution.**

* * *

"Ah! Good morning, darling!"

Hiroki scowled and averted his gaze when he heard a familiar voice. Miyagi rounded a corner and jogged to catch up with him.

"What a coincidence! I didn't realize you took this route to school."

"**Really.**" Hiroki was unconvinced and tried to stay one pace ahead of Miyagi. "You **really** didn't know I walked this way?"

"We-e-ell I **might **have done a little detective work."

"Perfect."

"What's the matter, honey? You don't want to share a morning stroll by dawn's first light?"

"First of all, I've never understood your obsession with cutesy pet names and, no, I don't feel like spending my morning with you considering the fact we're going to be trapped in the same tiny office for a majority of the afternoon."

"Someone's a little grumpy. Did you not get any sugar in your coffee?"

Miyagi waggled his eyebrows lecherously. Hiroki nearly dropped his attaché case and stumbled trying to recover himself.

"Honestly, could you be any more of a pervert? You have someone in your life. Save that stuff for him and leave me out of it."

"There go my plans for a Ménage à trois."

The men continued to walk in silence. When the school came into view they could see a small crowd of boys huddled around the gate. Hiroki could hear them talking and laughing. _It's pretty early yet. I suppose it could be the track team or the swim team._

"What is that thing?"

"Ugh. What **now**?"

"Hiroki-san, I'm being serious. There's something tied to the gate."

Hiroki strained his eyes. There was some kind of large mass. The students were very interested in whatever it was. They were giggling, taking pictures of it and with it, and poking it with a long stick.

"Holy shit…I think it's a person."

Hiroki started jogging with Miyagi trailing behind him. As he got closer and closer to the spectacle he felt his hands and feet go numb. The reflective metal bars gleamed with dew. A thick rope hung from the highest point.

It was braided and composed of a synthetic material. It reminded Miyagi of a book he stumbled upon: "100 Different Knots and When to Use Them." He found it to be a useful writing reference and kept a copy in his collection. This particular knot was hard to identify since it was being obstructed. Then again part of Miyagi realized he was just in shock. Fixating on such an unimportant detail was probably his mind's way of protecting him from the grisly site, from what was hanging from the rope. Hiroki had not been wrong. It was a person. He was a person.

His arms were extended over his head and he hung there limply. His toes only barely grazed the ground. His head dangled from his shoulders. Blood dripped steadily from his nose like a broken tap at the center of his mosaic face. Various hues of blacks and purples melded together: a sick homage to human cruelty in watercolors. His entire body was bare but his chest stood out most of all. The message was spelled out in large, vulgar red characters. Maybe it was lipstick. "売春婦 [whore]"

Bitter tears streamed from Hiroki's face and he roared. Several pupils fled the scene but one wasn't quick enough. He found himself face to face with their academy's most notorious professor, the demon. Every single vein stood out on forehead and an artery leapt about wildly in his neck.

"**What the fuck did you do?**"

"It wasn't us! I swear it wasn't! I…we…found. We found it. I mean. We were just going to practice, sir. I don't understand. It is a prank, right? This is a set up like zombies and stuff and…isn't he in on it?"

Hiroki let go and stepped back. A deathly silence filled the space between them.

"You should go now." The young man nodded shakily and started to retreat. He had practically pissed his pants. When he was a couple of feet away Hiroki spoke again. "Don't think for a second that I don't know exactly who each of you are. You **will** be hearing from me."

The injured boy drew in a shaky breath and Hiroki's adrenaline turned on full stream. He rushed up to his side.

"Miyagi! We have to get him down! Help me untie this!"

Miyagi broke out of his trance and stood beside him.

"No good. It has to be cut. Here, use my knife."

Hiroki reached up and started sawing at the bond. The boy whimpered and made some feeble attempt to kick Hiroki in the crotch. Hiroki spoke to him in a soothing tone.

"Shhh. My name is Hiroki Kamijou. I am not going to hurt you. You're safe now. I am here to help. You're going to be ok." The rope was severed and Hiroki braced himself against the weight of the sagging body. He wrapped his arms around his waist and carefully supported him. Miyagi attempted to help.

Hiroki felt moisture as the boy's tears dripped onto his neck and down the collar of his shirt. A weak voice whistled into his ear.

"Pr…o..f…e…ssor." _He knew that voice. It was familiar. He had heard it somewhere before but it could not place it. _"Pl…e…e…eas…e d…on't let…him….get me."

_Misaki?!_

* * *

I apologize for any errors I may have made with the Japanese. It was not easy to find decent translations for free and I wasn't willing to pay someone so just know that I did my best.


	5. Chapter 5

Nowaki twisted from side to side to crack his back. He had been called in yesterday afternoon when a bus was wrecked on the highway. Nearly twenty nine people were admitted. Five of them had slipped away and many more hadn't even made it to the hospital. It was all hands on deck. Nowaki had spent all day and night running from one room to the next. It seemed there was always someone in critical condition. It was beginning to take a real toll on him. This was the first time in over twelve hours that he had more than a few minutes to sit down and take a breath. All he had eaten was a package of shortbread cookies from the vending machine to get his blood sugar up He was emotionally exhausted as well. The relatives of those five people had all been informed of their loss by him.

There was a buzz at his waist as he received a page. He let out a long sigh. He was needed in the ER. _Break time is over. _

It was a whirlwind of activity. An ambulance had just pulled up and the EMTs were unloading the gurney. The patient didn't seem very old. An oxygen mask was strapped to his face. A black coat had been draped over his lower body. Nowaki pulled on a pair of sterile gloves.

"What happened?"

"There are multiple abrasions to the face and body, significant head trauma but no immediate indications of sexual assault. The nose is broken. A few teeth have been knocked out and possible broken ribs. This man rode in with the victim."

"Hello, my name is Nowaki Kusama. Do you know the….Hiro-san? What are you doing here?"

"Miyagi and I found him. He's one of my students." Hiroki started to cry. Being around Nowaki was tearing down the walls he had built to keep these feelings in. "I don't know what happened. You can treat him right?"

Nowaki placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"We will do all we can. What's his name?"

"Misaki. Misaki Takahashi."

"Misaki." Nowaki repeated the name tenderly. "You leave Misaki to me. The nurse will have a few questions for you as well as the police. I will come check on you when I can."

"Don't worry about me. Just help him."

Nowaki and the doctors pushed the gurney down the hallways and disappeared behind a pair of double doors.

Hiroki fell back against a wall.

"Misaki," he whispered under his breath "Please hold on."

When he had calmed down a little bit, he realized a middle aged woman had a hand on his arm.

"Sir? Are you feeling dizzy? Can we get you some water? We can take you into a room to lie down if you like."

"I'm fine." Hiroki swiped his eyes with his sleeve. He was disgusted with his own weakness. He hated being seen in an emotional state.

"My name is Kumiko Akiyama. If you feel up to it, I just have a few quick questions to ask you."

"Sure."

"You said the patient's name is Misaki Takahashi, correct?"

"Yes."

"What is your relationship to Mr. Takahashi?"

"I am an instructor at the school he attends. I've had him in my classes before. He's a good student. He tries hard."

Miss Akiyama nodded sympathetically.

"I am sure he does, sir. Do you know if he has any family?"

Hiroki thought about it carefully. He couldn't remember. It had never really come up. He wanted to say his parents were divorced? Maybe his father was overseas? The details escaped him. Someone spoke up.

"His parents passed away. His closest surviving relative is his older brother."

Hiroki turned around.

"Miyagi? What are you doing here?"

Miss Akiyama eyeballed the newcomer with some concern.

"May I help you, sir?"

"Hello." Miyagi dipped his head and offered her a business card. "I am a colleague of Mr. Kamijō. I was with him when Takahashi was found. I recall overhearing a conversation between Takahashi and Keiichi Sumi. Takahashi's parents perished in an accident. He mentioned a brother though I don't know a name off the top of my head. The school would have that on record. I could call the main office and get his contact information."

"Thank you very much, sir."

"Anything I can do to help. Is there a phone I may use?"

"There is a public phone in the hall. It is free for all local calls."

"Thank you."

"I have to go check on some other patients. Come find me at the nurses' station when you have the number. I will get in touch with his brother."

Miyagi started to walk away when Hiroki stopped him.

"You didn't answer my question. What are you doing here?"

"Well it's too early to go to a bar so I figured this was a good place to pick up handsome men."

"How can you joke at a time like this?"

Miyagi started at Hiroki. On the surface nothing seemed wrong. When you looked closer, there was something fragile and artificial about his calm demeanor.

"How could I not joke at a time like this? Listen, maybe I knew Kusama would be busy. Maybe I thought there should be someone here looking out for you too. Maybe I just couldn't be at that school with those kids, not after seeing the way they reacted this morning….Maybe I just don't want to be alone right now."

"Miyagi-san?"

"Don't get so flustered, Hiroki. This isn't morphing into a love confession. When tragedy strikes it's ok to lean on your friends."

Hiroki nodded. He felt comforted.

"Friends."

"Why don't you go find a couple of seats for us? I am sure law enforcement is on their way and they will want to speak with us. I'm going to go take care of the calls and I'll bring back a ginger ale. You look a bit pale. It'll settle your stomach."

* * *

"So-o-o-o, you **really** don't know where he is?" The smile was disgusting. Usagi wanted nothing more than to wipe it off with his fist. "Did you ever stop to think he simply got tired of you? It might be time for you to give in and accept me as his replacement. I'm more than equal to the task."

Usagi lost his patience and grabbed the front of the beige sweater. He did not raise his voice. He didn't have to. His tone was dangerous and full of malice.

"Listen to me, you waste of oxygen. I do not have time for your warped games. This is serious. If there's even one iota of your friendship that isn't fake, you will tell me what you know."

Keiichi Sumi smirked. He wasn't intimidated. If anything, being grabbed so roughly by Usami-sensei was turning him on.

"What a moving display. I can see how you're able to write the way you do. Tell me; if I were to go missing, would you create such a sensual spectacle on my behalf?"

"No. I would be too busy celebrating with the man I love."

Usagi realized his cell was vibrating. He glanced at the screen and saw Takahiro's name glowing in black print.

"Hello?"

"….Usagi."

"Yes? Talk to me."

"Usagi…we"

Usagi braced himself for the worst knowing perfectly well he could never be prepared to handle that.

"We found him…We're at the hospital."

"I'm on my way."

Usagi snapped it shut and let go of Sumi_._

"So? Whose bed did he turn up in?"

"I have to go. That is the only reason you still have a pulse right now. However, if anything happens to him you can forget about paying the ferryman [1]. I'll be delivering you to the underworld personally."

* * *

1\. This is an allusion to the Ancient Greek myth of the ferryman of Hades. He "carries souls of the newly deceased across the rivers Styx and Acheron that divided the world of the living from the world of the dead." Loved ones would put a coin in the mouth of someone who had died in order to pay their passage.

For the record, I am not a doctor or a nurse. If something about the behavior of the hospital employees seems unrealistic, I apologize. I am not fully versed in these protocols and I realize that it might be slightly different in other countries. Just chock it up to me taking creative licence.


	6. Chapter 6

_Misaki, please be ok._ Usagi tried to keep himself from exploding as he sprinted through the lobby of the hospital.

"Hold the elevator!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. A tall individual in a baseball cap put his hand in the doors and Usagi slipped in. "Thank you. Third floor please."

The man nodded and pressed the button. Usagi supported his weight on the railing and panted heavily. The other occupant looked him over with some concern.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

A bell dinged and Usagi disembarked. He didn't look back.

_344, 344, 344 it should be right around the corner._

He saw Takahiro crumpled in a chair. A young doctor was speaking to him in hushed tones. Usagi had honestly never seen Takahiro look so broken up about anything in their entire time as friends. He tiptoed up to him. Someone watching from the outside might think they had never met before.

Takahiro had a hand clapped over his mouth as though he might vomit. Usagi glanced to the left where Takahiro was looking. A pain shot through his chest. If he was given a million years to write his life story, he would spend 999,999 of them trying to find the words to convey how he felt in this moment.

A sheet of Plexiglas was all the separated him from his worst nightmare. A mangled body he almost didn't recognize lay huddled among the sheets. He looked so tiny. He looked so fragile. Misaki's face had swollen severely. His eyes were shut into two slits. His knuckles and hands were banged up and one sported a bandage. He had tried to fight back.

_This is fine. It isn't real. In a moment I'll wake up. I'll roll over and he'll be there. He isn't hurt because this is all a twisted dream. _

He blinked and then he blinked again, and again. Each time he reopened his eyes they were still there and his world was still shattering around him. Usagi put an arm around Takahiro protectively and allowed him to sob into his shirt. As tough as it was, he needed to stand up now. He needed to be strong for both brothers.

"I'm a close friend of the family, Takahashi is residing with me. What is his condition?"

"He's stabilized. We gave him a sedative to help him relax through the examinations. Some of them were…" Nowaki cleared his throat diplomatically "…more invasive than others. We've done an x-ray. He does have some broken ribs. They will heal on their own in time. I've prescribed a good painkiller. I would like to keep him over night so we may monitor his condition."

Usagi thought deeply about his options. He looked through the window a second time. The thought of leaving him in a cold unfamiliar place in this state was almost more than he could bear. _He should be coming home with me. He should be sleeping in my bed tonight. How else can I protect him? _ However, if this was what would be best for him, did he have any right to interfere? Usagi helped Takahiro to his feet.

"Would it be alright if we saw him for a moment?"

"Certainly."

Usagi didn't know what hurt him more, standing over Misaki's bedside or watching Takahiro do so. Looking at Misaki's delicate limbs, he wanted to kiss him or hold him close. That way, if something went wrong, he could say he tasted him one last time. He could say he felt him one last time. Something held him back. Was it Takahiro's presence or the way Misaki looked like he would break with just one touch?

"Excuse me?" They turned around in unison. They hadn't heard someone enter. "I'm sorry to startle you." He displayed a badge. "I'm Detective Yukimura. I hate to bother you during this difficult time. I just need a moment to speak with each of you individually. It is critical for our investigation into the incident."

* * *

_Finally, _Nowaki gave the faintest of smiles; _I've spent all day thinking about this moment._ He was standing outside the door of the apartment he shared with Hiroki. _I get to rest. _He reached in his pocket and fished out the key. He went to insert it in the lock when his fingers fumbled. Exhaustion was taking over and his dexterity was for shit. The keys clattered to the ground, mocking him with their incessant jangle. Nowaki muttered with uncharacteristic frustration as he stopped to retrieve them.

"For fucks sake..."

Next thing he knew he was laying down. A splitting pain shot through the middle of his head.

"Shit! I'm sorry!"

A blurry form with a face bent over him. He was in a daze and seeing stars.

"Hi-Hiro-san?"

"Crap, your nose is bleeding. Let me get you inside. I'm sorry. I thought I heard you out there so I just... Why were you kneeling in front of the door anyway? Were you trying to get hit or something?" He helped him to his feet. "Come on, let's get you some ice."

"Hiro-san, it's ok."

"No it's not. Yes, you were being stupid by bending over right there where you completely in the way but that doesn't mean I don't care."

Hiroki hustled him instead and shoved a wad of tissues in his direction.

"Hiro-san, about today…wait…are you cooking?"

Hiroki scowled and smacked Nowaki upside the head forgetting his recent injury.

"Yes, I cooked! I made beef yakisoba and rice. Why do you sound so shocked?"

Nowaki's eyes watered but he focused on Hiroki.

"Thank you so much. I am actually starving. Don't you think we should talk about…"

"Well if you're so hungry, go sit down. I'll be in in a moment."

"Alright."

_Some issues cannot be pushed._

* * *

"That was delicious! Thank you, Hiro-san. You have excellent culinary skills." There was no response. Hiroki prodded a grain of rice on his plate awkwardly. "Hiro-san?"

"Do you think he has a girlfriend?"

"Who?"

"Takahashi-kun. Do you think he has a girlfriend?"

"I'm honestly not sure. I only saw his brother and a housemate of his. No young women showed up looking for him."

"Hmm."

"Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

Hiroki stood and left the room. When he returned he had a giant shopping bag.

"I got you a few things today."

"Oh?"

Nowaki's eyes grew wider and wider as Hiroki laid out the items on the table one by one.

"So here's some pepper spray. It's a miniature bottle that you can hook on to your key chain. This is a stun gun. It comes with a holster. You can wear it on your belt. It's not exactly street legal so make sure you keep it covered with a jacket or a long shirt. If a police officer starts to frisk you, just…throw it over a fence or something. I don't know. Now these are brass knuckles. I was thinking you could…"

Before Hiroki could continue his rant Nowaki's mouth clamped down over his own.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Hiro-san but you weren't taking a breath and that was the only way I could think of to stop you. Now, why did you buy all of this for me?"

"I…I"

Hiroki averted his gaze.

"Hiro-san, why did you ask me if Takahashi has a girlfriend?"

"Because…because…today all I could think is that…I could have been her."

"What?"

Nowaki gaped as Hiroki sobbed openly.

"Every night I dig in to my own work. I usually fall asleep on the sofa. And you…you come home so late. I never even stop to wonder if you're…. I never even question what time you get here. I just take your safety for granted. What if it had been you who got hurt? What would I do?"  
Nowaki held Hiroki close and stroked his back reassuringly.

"You'd be right there taking care of me."

Hiroki cried even more fiercely.

"I'm….just….so….scared…of….everything…..right….now."

"I know. Please try not to worry. You're going to be ok, Hiro-san, my angel."

Even though he was exhausted Nowaki sat there for a full hour, holding his Hiro.


	7. Chapter 7

_Journal Entry 86: He's here. _

"Another round, sir?"

Usagi looked up at the young bartender.

"Yes, please."

She served him and immediately went to check on a couple a few feet away. She could tell he had his troubles. They all did. It was usually work, money, a spouse or some combination of the three. She could also tell he wasn't the talking type. A bar was an interesting place to work for so many years. You saw people at their best and worst. Some come in bursting at the seams. They'll tell you their whole life story at the slightest encouragement. Others, like this gentleman, just wanted to rot in peace.

Usagi took the shot. This one went down smoothly. The world was starting to become fuzzier and he was fine with that. He didn't want to be aware tonight.

There was a slight creak as the stool next to him was pulled out and someone sat down.

"Excuse me, miss? Asahi?[1]"

"Yes, sir. Coming right up."

Usagi scowled slightly. Naturally, the one night when he wanted nothing more than to be left alone…

It had taken every bit of strength to walk out of that hospital. Takahiro would be staying. The staff set up a cot in Misaki's room for him. It made sense. He was Takahiro's family. Usagi considered himself to be Misaki's family too. However, in an official capacity, he was nothing more than a friend; a friend who had no rights and no grounds to stand on. Usagi wondered if anyone could ever understand what it was like to see your lover in pain and not even get to stand by their side. To be shoved behind the scenes like a point of shame.

"Rough night?"

"One might say that."

This man had fair hair like sand. It was pulled back in a medium length pony-tail. His face was long and adorned with a pair of round glasses. There was something about him that seemed familiar. Usagi studied him more closely.

"Have we met before?"

The stranger smirked.

"Yes and no. It all depends."

"On what?"

"How you answer this next question. Are you Usami Akihiko?"

Usagi pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"That's what they wrote on my birth certificate."

"I was at the Teito Hotel when you received the Kikuawa Award for _The Moon in the Box_."

"Ah."

Usagi took a long drag and fished around for his wallet. The sooner he paid his tab, the sooner he could get home and go to bed. He wanted this day to just be over already.

"I have all of your work. Seeing you in person was something else."

"Thank you for your support."

Usagi spat out the party line with little enthusiasm. It wasn't his intention to be rude but he wasn't enjoying the encounter and this man wasn't getting the hint.

"I can assure you, the pleasure is all mine. You've been a major influence in my life. You've even inspired me to do some…writing of my own."

"Oh? That's wonderful."

"I hoped you might think so. My name is Rin Yami. Listen, if you have a moment I'd love to talk to you about a little project of mine. There's such a lack of good literature out there. Your writing is nothing short of perfection amongst rubble. However the people have very little access to the real you, the wizard behind the curtain. Have you given any thought as to who might write your biography?"

There was a line and this man was dancing all over it. Usagi felt himself coming unraveled and knew he didn't have much civility left.

"I can honestly say I have given it no thought whatsoever."

"Well you really ought to. Telling the tale of such an important man is not a simple task. It cannot fall into the wrong hands. Whoever writes it should be one who reveres you and recognizes your importance. I certainly do both of those things…" Rin leaned in closer "in abundance."

_Snap_. That was the last straw. _Snap._ Usagi had had more than enough. He threw a couple of bills on the counter. He didn't care if he was grossly overpaying. Call it a generous tip. The woman deserved it for not being a pain in his ass.

"Listen, I apologize for any disrespect but I have no interest in continuing this conversation or being the subject of anyone's book. I wish you the best of luck with your creative endeavors. Good evening."

Usagi nodded and stood. Rin seemed to be in a daze. He looked like an automaton, a near human replica with one or two flaws. Simply put, creepy as hell. When he spoke his voice was hollow.

"No." He grabbed Usagi's wrist roughly. "You don't mean that, Usami-sama. You're forgetting how the scene goes. This is not the script. You're supposed to come back to my place. I will write your story. You will be my muse and I yours. You will fall for me" He tightened his grip and gnashed his teeth like a dog. "**You will fall for me.**"

Usagi reeled back.

"Are you on crack? I'm not in the market for a muse and let me tell you something else. Even if I was, you would be the very last person I'd look to for that. Now, you've been making an awful night even more unbearable this entire time. I suggest you pack up your biography along with your psychotic ramblings and take a hike."

Rin clawed at Uasgi's arms like a drowning man.

"No! No! No! You don't mean that! YOU DON'T MEAN THAT!"

_Smash. _

He was on the ground. Usagi had acted without thinking. They were both bleeding. Blood dribbled from Usagi's hand and Rin's head. Pieces of the broken shot glass littered the floor. The other patrons seemed to be in varying degrees of shock. Usagi took a second to compose himself and stormed out before the lunatic could get his bearings.

Rin rocked himself back and forth and muttered under his breath.

"Usami-sama, Usami-sama, Usami-sama. No, no, no. What have you done? What **have** you done? What have **you** done? What have you **done**?" His lips spread into a manic smile and he began to cackle ghoulishly. "You ruined it. You broke e-ver-ything. You leave me no choice, Usami-sama. You leave me no choice. Our story ends tonight."

* * *

1\. Asahi Breweries, Ltd. is a leading brewery and soft drink company based in Tokyo, Japan. As of January 2014, Asahi, with a 38% market share, was the largest of the four major beer producers in Japan


	8. Chapter 8

Usagi's shoulders sagged as he half walked/half staggered through his front door and slammed it behind him. He was so out of it he couldn't even remember if he bothered to turn the deadbolt or not. Something crunched under his foot. He looked down and saw a fragment of his mug from that morning. _Oh yeah, _he thought hazily, _I remember now_. It had only been hours since he stood here with Takahiro but it felt like centuries. He cupped his wounded hand carefully to avoid making a mess and headed to the bathroom.

Usagi winced at the burn of disinfectant. Now that it was clean it didn't look all that bad. He wasn't going to need stitches at least. He wrapped it in gauze and returned to the bedroom. He left out an  
_"oomph"_ as he collapsed onto his mattress. He felt stuck. Before Misaki came into his life, he was used to being on his own. Solitude and silence were his natural companions. Now he didn't know what to do with himself. He should be working on his manuscript. His deadline was fast approaching and he was behind but that was nothing new. His thoughts turned to the shattered mug and spilled coffee. _Eh, leave it till morning._ There didn't seem to be a point…to anything.

Usagi pulled back the sheets to slip into bed and his hand touched some foreign piece of fabric. When he retracted his arm he was clutching a tee-shirt. It was brown, it had short sleeves and it was too small for Usagi. It was his. Usagi buried his face in it and inhaled deeply. It smelled like him. Usagi curled into a ball. The material grew damp around his eyes. His shoulders hitched and heaved but he never made a sound. The clock ticked. Two horny cats yowled in the alley way. Someone in another apartment was watching TV loudly. Here in this pitch black room; Usagi huddled alone like a lost little boy who may never find his way home.

* * *

_Journal entry 87: I can barely grip a pen in my hand. I cannot breathe. He took all of the air out of my lungs. I don't understand what went wrong. I cannot understand what went wrong. This world…this cruel fucking world is so warped sometimes I could never begin to make sense of it. Usami-sama, even though you have ripped my beating heart from my chest, I still love you. Please know it was not my intention to harm you. However you have left me with no other options. Your soul was corrupted too deeply by that whore's presence for me to do anything. _

Rin raised a few fingers to his face. The blood had dried in drips and trails. His bangs stuck to his forehead at funhouse angles. Rin gazed into a box on his passenger seat. It was filled to the brim with notebooks. All black composition books, identical to the one in his hand. Months upon months of careful observation. Months and months spent lingering just out of reach like a fly on the wall. Everything would have been perfectly fine if that damn other one hadn't shown up.

Rin smiled when he thought back to the way Misaki had struggled; the way he had cried and begged for him to stop; the look in his eyes when he was thrown into Rin's trunk, and those pitiful half-conscious murmurs as he strung him up.

It made sense. He had hurt Rin by stealing Usami-sama's affection. Now he was receiving the misery he deserved. Justice had been served.

Unfortunately Misaki would not be alone in his pain. He was the rabid raccoon who bit the beloved dog. Now the dog needed to be put down. Rin opened his glove compartment. The long silver knife glittered menacingly. He watched out the window patiently.

A half hour passed before he saw his opportunity. A young man overwhelmed with files was headed in. Rin pulled up the hood of his jacket, discreetly slipped the weapon into his coat and surreptitiously followed. The young man struggled to balance his things as he unlocked the main entry way.

"Here, let me help you with that." Rin put on the most charming voice he could muster as he held the door open.

"Oh, thank you so much." The oblivious stranger hardly gave the seemingly benevolent man a second glance as he headed to the stairs. Rin breathed a sigh of relief.

"Don't mention in."

He had gotten what he wanted. He was in.

_I'm on my way, Usami-sama. _


	9. Chapter 9

"Mommy! Mommy! Look at the pretty lights! Are they having a party?"

The little girl tugged on her nervous mother's night gown. The woman swept her child into her arms. Her brow was furrowed. They had just stepped outside to see what was going on. They didn't have a clear view but that was just as well.

"No, sweetie, The police are here."

The five year old blinked in confusion.

"The polices is having a party?"

"No, sweetie, someone got hurt."

It was a buzz of activity. The street was illuminated with spotlights. There were at least three cruisers and an ambulance. The front of the apartment building was blocked off with yellow tape. Officers were snapping pictures of the street and talking to pajama-clad witnesses. The woman watched as they loaded a stretcher into the back of an ambulance.

"Did they get an ouchie?"

A large black body bag was strapped to the stretcher. The woman's face crinkled in disgust.

"Yes, honey. Someone got hurt…really bad."

Soichiro Yagami stood on the sidewalk beside a massive pool of blood. He reviewed his notes once more. The victim had fallen from a significant height and landed on his head. Death was almost instantaneous. He was shirtless. There was no ID on him but he appeared to be around the age of thirty. One remarkable detail stood out about this individual. His chest looked to have been carved by a sharp knife. It said "失敗[failure]"

Soichiro removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. All around him, curious onlookers were straining to see. Some of the really bold ones called out the most grotesque questions.

"What happened?"

"Where's the body?"

"Is that a piece of brain?"

It made him sick to his stomach. The crime scene was like any other he had visited in his time on the force. It was the morbid curiosity overflowing from the onlookers that made him shake his head.

He opened his wallet and retrieved a photo of his family. He let out a defeated sigh. They lived in a world that was getting more and more violent by the day, no, the hour. He tried his best to instill good morals in his elementary school aged son. Would Light be able to grow into an ethical young man in such turbulent times?

_Well, I've seen everything out here, time to head into the apartment._

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want medical attention? You've had a very rough couple of days." Detective

Yukimura exchanged a look with Yagami when he walked in. A man in a white tee-shirt and black wrinkled slacks was sitting on the bed. He had a cigarette in one hand and a brown piece of fabric bunched up in the other."

"I'm quite sure." His face was difficult to read.

"I appreciate you cooperating with us. I know it's late and you're tired but you would mind repeating what happened once more, Usami-san?"

"I had just started to fall asleep when I heard a scratching at my door. It was very feint. I was about to go investigate when it got quiet again. I closed my eyes and about…ten minutes passed when I heard this loud thud. It was outside. I didn't think much of it until a woman started shrieking. I ran outside as quickly as I could. I was worried she was in danger. That's when I saw him. I called you almost immediately."

"Was that around the time you saw the note on your door?"

"Yes."

Yagami consulted his photos. A message was scrawled in sloppy letters on the door he had just come in through. It was written in blood. "_I couldn't do it._"

"Do you have any theories as to what that was in reference to?"

Usagi blew out a puff of smoke.

"I have no idea. I didn't write it."

"You said you had an altercation with the deceased earlier this evening?"

"Yes. "

"Could you identify him?"

"He gave me his name but I wasn't paying attention at the time."

"Is that how your hand was injured?" Yagami gestured to the red tinted dressings.

"Yes. I was put in a position where I had to defend myself."

"Why didn't you go to the police right after the incident at the bar?"

"I didn't see a need. He wasn't the first unstable fan I've come into contact with. However he was one of the worst."

"I see, and you're quite positive you don't recall his name?"

Usagi gave it some more thought.

"Rin…Rin Yami."

There was a cough and scuffle. A young officer stepped into the room.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. Detective Yukimura, we recovered a set of car keys from the deceased. We found something in the car we think you should see. It's linked to another ongoing investigation of yours."


	10. Chapter 10

There was a knock

"Come in."

Misaki looked up eagerly with a hopeful smile. That smile wilted when the person who entered was not who was hoping to see. He didn't know what he was expecting anymore. It had been four days and he still hadn't come. Takahiro grinned and hoisted a full laundry basket higher in his arms.

"I hope I didn't wake you."

"No, I was just…thinking."

Takahiro sat on the end of the bed and set down the basket at his feet.

"What about?" Misaki shrugged and picked at a scab on the back of his hand. Takahiro nodded. "It's ok. You don't need to talk about it if you're not ready. I didn't mean to pry."

"It's alright..." Misaki yawned as well as he could. His chest seemed to ache at the slightest thing. "What time is it?"

"It's about five. You slept almost all day."

"Wow. I guess those pills really knock me out. I'm sorry I've been such bad company."

Takahiro patted his brother's knee reassuringly.

"You aren't here to keep us company. Your only job is getting better."

"Yeah," Misaki averted his gaze. He hated everything about the way he felt. A little voice hissed in his head. _You're such a burden. Takahiro and his wife shouldn't have to spend their time looking after a disgusting piece of trash like you. _"How was your day?" He inquired simply, eager to push these thoughts aside for now.

"It was good. I went to the office. I explained the situation somewhat and they said they're fine with me working from home for a while. I also picked up some more of your clothes. Including…" Takahiro searched through the basket with purpose "your favorite sweater! I thought you might get chilled in the evenings."

"I really appreciate you going to the trouble…How is Usagi-san?"

"He's fine."

"Did he…ask about me?"

"Yes. He wanted to know how you're doing."

Misaki's spirits lifted slightly but he tried not to seem too enthusiastic.

"Did he say anything else about me?"

"No. Not really."

"Oh." Misaki found a loose thread dangling from quilt. He fiddled with it nervously. "I had just noticed that you were bringing over a lot of my stuff. I don't want to sound ungrateful but I was wondering when I would be returning to Usagi-san's place."

Takahiro stood and smoothed out the spot where he had sat.

"We'll…revisit that topic at a later date." He wrung his hands and started to head out. "Are you feeling hungry? We have salmon."

Misaki blinked at the change in tone. An unsettling thought chilled him to the core. _Does Usagi-san not want me around anymore?_

"That sounds good."

"Excellent. I'll bring up a tray for you when it's ready. I'd rather not have you climb up and down the stairs just yet. Better safe than sorry."

"Right." It barely came out as a whisper. Despite his best efforts to not be too gloomy, Misaki felt the waves of self-pity creeping up on him. _Usagi-san doesn't want me anymore? Usagi-san doesn't need me anymore? Usagi-san doesn't…love…me anymore? _ When Misaki heard the soft click of the door latching he stood, with no small amount of difficulty, and walked to the window.

It was a nice neighborhood, definitely a good place for Takahiro and Manami to raise a family. He would be such a good father. Misaki turned a crank to let in some fresh air.

His memories had been coming back bit by bit. There were still large hazy portions he could not recall. There were also details that had not been shared with him. He knew that his attacker had died in some sort of incident. He hadn't been told the man's name or why he had been targeted.

Then there was the issue of Usagi. According to Takahiro, Usagi had come to the hospital once when Misaki was out cold. He hadn't been back since. _Why? Usagi-san? _ However, when Misaki looked down at himself, he felt he could easily guess the reason. _Is it because another man laid his hands on me? Am I tainted now? _ Misaki felt an air bubble build up in in his throat. _I can't say I blame you, Usagi. I feel so…filthy. _

Misaki jumped and rubbed at his eyes self-consciously when he heard the door open again.

"Misaki? You have a visitor."

Misaki whipped around so fast he gave himself a blood rush.

"Hey, newbie."

_Oh, Natsu [1]. _

* * *

Usagi set down the receiver. It was the fifteenth time he had picked up the phone with every intention of calling him. _No, I can't. _ Takahiro's words kept replaying in his mind like a broken record.

"_Listen, I know that what happened is not your fault. I don't blame you. You're my dearest friend, Usagi-san. You must understand…if there was a man like that following your every move…if there's even the slightest chance that someone could… There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt. If there was one Rin Yami, who's to say there aren't more lurking in the shadows? Misaki is all I have. He's __**all I have**__. I need to do whatever I can to protect him. Even if that means hurting him in the short term; even if it means hurting you. Whatever relationship you had with my brother…I think it would be better if you put it behind you. If you truly loved him, you'll do the right thing and let him go_."

Usagi rested his head in his hands. As much as he wanted to fight Takahiro on this; as much as he wanted to scream "you're wrong" – he couldn't. He couldn't allow Misaki to get hurt because of him. Not again. If fading out of Misaki's life was what would keep him safe then he would do so even though it broke his heart.

* * *

***Just wanted to refresh your memory: Natsu is an OC of mine. He works at the same flower shop as Nowaki. He was introduced in chapter 2 and stuck around for part of chapter 3***


	11. Chapter 11

"I missed you too, newbie, but try to tone it down a notch. Emotional greetings make me uncomfortable." Natsu joked with a smirk.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just surprised to see you. How did you find me?"

"The boss told me you'd be out for a while. He wouldn't give me any more information than that. I hadn't gotten a chance to thank you properly for what you did. You really saved my ass that night. Anyway it didn't sit right with me, you just riding off into the sunset like that. So I did a little bit of asking around."

"Oh?"

"Yeah…so-o-o…you gonna invite me in or will I be spending my entire visit standing in your stairway?"

"Oh. Right. Ugh. Sorry. I've been a little frazzled lately. Make yourself comfortable."

"Don't mind if I do."

Natsu boldly flopped down on Misaki's bed and took his backpack off. He unzipped the main compartment and rummaged around inside.

"Um, can I get you anything? Are you thirsty?"

"Nah, I'm all set. Thanks though" He removed a medium sized package with a flourish. "Aha! Here it is. I got you something. It isn't a big deal but I thought you might like it."

Misaki turned it over in his hands. _You don't deserve it,_ his inner demons taunted menacingly, _why would anyone want to do something for someone like __**you**__? You know what the sign said. You know what you are. Why won't you say it out loud already? _ Misaki shook his head to silence their nasty voices.

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know. I guess I'm just an extraordinarily thoughtful person."

"I wouldn't go that far."

"Now you're sounding more like yourself. Go ahead and open it."

Misaki opened the box to reveal a strange plant in a small ceramic pot.

"It's an orchid," Natsu explained "caring for one is an excellent hobby and a real art. I also brought a little booklet along with it that contains more information. You know they're revered for their symmetry and are seen as examples of rare beauty."

"Wow…you sure you're not trying to sell me something?"

Natsu laughed.

"Not this time. The first one's free, to get you hooked. After that I will start charging."

"There's always an angle with you, isn't there?"

"Not a-a-a-lways. Just a majority of the time."

"So is that what you came here for, to give me this?"

"Well I didn't intend to commit a floral hit and run. I also brought this." Natsu removed a GameCube with the cables, two controllers a number of games including Mario Kart. "Wanna play?"

Misaki admittedly felt this was a tad bit childish but he didn't want to be rude by rejecting Natsu's considerate gesture.

"Sure."

They hooked the console up to the small tv in Misaki's room. Although he had his doubts when they began, he found his mood was improving with each race. He was even having fun.

"Damn! Not another blue shell! You know that's the kind of thing that tears friendships apart, newbie."

"I'm not here for friendship. I came for victory."

"Oh, he gets through Rainbow Road once without falling off and suddenly we have a hotshot on our hands."

"You bet your ass."

Takahiro poked his head in tentatively. He seemed absolutely beside himself. _See, he's going to be fine. I knew it would be an adjustment at first. Before long he will be completely over Usagi-san. This is all for the best. _

"Sorry to bother you boys. Misaki, will your friend be joining us for dinner?"

Natsu checked his watch.

"Damn! I lost track of time! I gotta scram. I have to go meet my lady-friend at the movies. I'll have to take a rain check."

He grabbed his backpack and started to run out.

"Natsu-senpai! Your stuff!"

Natsu stopped abruptly.

"Eh? Oh. You can hang on to it for a while. From the looks of things, you'll be on bed rest for a while yet. This can keep you amused. Take the time to train for our rematch."

"Sure. Thank you, Natsu-senpai."

Natsu started to leave then seemed to remember something else. He looked embarrassed and unsure of himself.

"Hey, Misaki-kun, I just wanted to say…people are full of shit. Ok? No one can tell you what you are. You're the only one who can decide that. Ok?"

"Ughm. Ok?"

Natsu left. A cloud of confusion hung in his wake.

* * *

Misaki bolted upright. A blast of pain shot through his body as he did so. He was sweating. He had laid down for a nap after eating and immediately lapsed into a nightmare. He could still feel his assailant's hands on him upon waking. He rubbed his arms viciously, trying to make the crawling feeling in his skin go away. It was useless.

He got up and started pacing. Should he go get Takahiro?

_Don't bother him with your pathetic whining._

The tormentor residing in his psyche was running on full steam tonight. Should he call Usagi?

_I don't think I even need to remind you how much he doesn't want to hear from the likes of you. _

Maybe Natsu? They had had a nice time but Misaki didn't actually know him all that well.

_I have no other choice. I have to talk to someone. _ Misaki picked up his cell and dialed.

* * *

Usagi glared at the blank page as if he could make words appear out of pure intimidation.

"Damn."

He stood, defeated, and headed into the living room. He hadn't been able to write a single line. His spirit was not speaking to him. He was not in the story tonight. There was something else, some nagging feeling in his gut. _You have to go to him_. _You have to go see him right now. He's in trouble. _As much as Usagi tried to reason with himself, he could not get past the notion that something very wrong would happen to Misaki if he did not get there as soon as possible.

"Screw it."

He grabbed his coat and rushed out the door. His mind didn't know why he was in such a hurry but his intuition pressed him onward.

* * *

"Hello?"

The voice sounded cold and uninterested. Then again, Keiichi Sumi always sounded that way.

"Senpai? I hope this isn't a bad time."

"Oh, Misaki. How are you doing?"

Misaki concentrated on keeping his tone level. The last thing he wanted was to make a spectacle of himself over the phone.

"Much better, thank you. Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out some time. I mean not right now, obviously but…"

"Misaki," Sumi cut him off midsentence "I don't mean to be a cold bastard but I think it would be best if we distanced ourselves from each other; just for a while until things blow over."

"Things?"

"You know, the things online."

"Online?" Misaki's heart began to race. "What things are posted online? What's going on?"

"You didn't know?"

"Didn't know what? Tell me!"

"Shit, I've said too much. Just don't pay attention to it. Those guys are assholes. Everyone knows that. Even so, I need to consider my social standing at school. My fellow classmates now will one day be the people I need to network with in the professional world. I'm sure you understand."

Misaki was unravelling.

"No! I don't! Please explain what's going on."

"I'm sorry, Misaki. I really have to go."

On that note, he hung up.


	12. Chapter 12

***I know I've said this before but it bears repeating. **The contents of this chapter could be especially triggering. Please keep that in mind when you read it. If it causes you significant distress then reach out to someone for help. I care about the emotional health of my readers.*****

* * *

Misaki stared at the screen in utter horror. After some searching, he found a page on Facebook. Pandora's Box immediately came to mind. Misaki had opened it. Now he really wished he could somehow close it again. There were lots of pictures, plenty of "likes" and more than a few comments. _They're all of me…_ He clicked on one after another. Although it hurt him, he couldn't turn back now. He remembered very little of that morning when Hiroki-sensei and Miyagi-sensei had found him. He looked horrible. It was like photos of a stranger. Part of his brain just could not accept that he was seeing himself. As he went from one to the next he could not believe what people, what his classmates were writing about him.

"Ew, that is so gross! Is this some kind of joke? Misaki is seriously twisted."

"Oh! I heard about this on 4chan. It's some kind of fetish. Kinky."

"Hes completely trashed. He should be more careful next time."

"I need 2 b real for a second, guys. Obviously I'm not happy this happened so don't jump down my throat but imho wen u liv the way he duz...wat do u expect? :/ I mean seriously he was taking a major risk. It's too bad he couldn't change before something like this happened."

Each one was worse than the last. Misaki's fingers were shaking too violently for him to even use the mouse. He had seen the full range of simply ignorant to infuriating to gag worthy. No one showed any sympathy. _Ok, ok, ok. Just calm down, take a deep breath and report it. Mark it as abusive. Their accounts will get suspended and then…then what? _Misaki shut his laptop. _There's no point. _Misaki remembered a story his mother told him when she was still alive.

A woman had been spreading lies about her pastor. When she went to apologize to him he asked her to follow him up to the roof. When they got up there he tore open a pillow. The feathers scattered every which way into the wind. The pastor told her to go pick them all up. Naturally, the woman replied that it was impossible. The pastor said each feather represented a lie she told about him. She could not take it back just because she was sorry.

It was the same in this situation. Each feather was a picture of Misaki. He could report every last person responsible. He could have their profiles frozen or deleted. He could even press charges against them. That didn't change the fact that these things had been out there. Everyone had seen them. They would remember and, more importantly, he would remember. What about the ones who made those comments? How could he ever face them again? How could he face any human being again knowing this kind of evil lurked behind their deceitful eyes?

Misaki dug his nails into his legs again and again until the flesh was red and raw. It burned but he could not feel a thing. He wished he could crawl out of himself. _I'm garbage, trash, worthless. Even Usagi thinks so. He couldn't even manage to kick me out himself. He had to do it through Takahiro. _Misaki raked a hand through his hair as he hyperventilated. He saw his pale reflection in the mirror and he hated it.

"I…am a whore."

* * *

_Who could be here at this hour? _Takahiro padded cautiously to the front door. Someone was pounding violently.

"Hold on, hold on. I'll be right there."

Manami stood behind him in her robe. She watched over his shoulder with apprehension. Takahiro barely uttered a syllable before he was almost bowled over as Usagi practically pushed past him.

"Jesus! What are you doing here? Usagi-san, I know you're having a hard time. It hasn't been easy for any of us but I really don't think this is appropriate. You should go before he hears you."

"Takahiro, you know I have nothing but complete respect for you. I also know you're going to think I'm being crazy. I really hope I am being crazy. I need to see Misaki-chan or you need to check on him at least. I need to see that he's ok."

"Wait a minute. Slow down. What's going on? He was doing well earlier today. Did he contact you? Did he say something?"

"No. Just call it a hunch."

Takahiro was skeptical but not completely disbelieving. There had been a dark energy in the air tonight. He started climbing the stairs and called out.

"Misaki?" There was no reply "Misaki?" He could hear running water and a light shone from under the bathroom door. "Misaki?!" Usagi came up behind him. With each moment that passed he found himself dreading what he was about to see. Takahiro rapped three times. "Are you in there? Is everything alright?" He tried the handle. It was locked from the inside. Takahiro felt pangs of fear. "Misaki?! Can you please say something?!"

"Step aside." Usagi commanded.

Takahiro obeyed numbly. With one fluid motion, Usagi threw his weight into the door and forced it open.

Misaki was sitting in the tub. The hot water was running full force. It was like they walked in on his shower but something was wrong. He was completely dressed. He was unresponsive with a vacant look in his eyes and the water that ran off of his body was red.

"Oh god no!" Takahiro made a dash for the phone. "I'll get help."

Usagi rushed in and grabbed a wash cloth. He twisted the dial to "off" and climbed in the tub behind Misaki. He wrapped his arms around him gently and cradled him like a small child. He pressed the cloth on the injured arm and applied pressure. As he held him he whispered in Misaki's ear.

"I'm right here, my love. I'm right here. Hang on. We're going to take care of you." Tears rolled off Usagi's chin and onto the crown of Misaki's head. "I've got you. I love you. Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me."

They stayed this way until the sirens could be heard in the front yard.


	13. Chapter 13

Takahiro leaned back into the cheap vinyl seat. He turned his blood shot eyes up to the fluorescent lights shining down on the hallway. _Haven't we been through enough? Wasn't it enough for him to be hurt once? _It seemed as though the fates were playing a fucked up game with their lives; ripping their souls apart for grunts and giggles.

A scrap of paper hung loosely in his hand. Manami had found it amongst Misaki's things and she brought it with her to give to him. It was the note, his last goodbye. Takahiro had read it so many times he could repeat it from memory.

_Usagi-san,_

_I'm sorry. I never wanted to cause you pain or trouble. When you find this…I'll be…you know. I don't expect you to understand. Just know that I do not blame you. At times we __must purge things__ from this __world because they should not exist. That's how I feel about myself now. I am an ugly splotch that needs to be wiped clean. I simply don't belong anymore. Every moment of every day I am reminded. When I close my eyes at night I am gripped by terror. When I look down at my own body I am overwhelmed with shame and disgust. If I could take it back, I would in a heartbeat. I do not want to be trapped in this existence anymore. _

_Please take care of my brother. He's going to need you so badly. He deserved better than me. You both did. _

_Natsu-senpai gave me an orchid. He told me it symbolized beauty. I don't know if I've been beautiful in my life. If there was ever a moment it would be the times you looked on me with love. Your gaze was the magic touch. It had the power to make me feel like I, one person out of 7 billion people, was special._

_Rare beauty is your love. Rare beauty is your soul. You are beautiful. I want you to have this now. Keep the flowers near your heart and when they bloom, think of me. _

"I've had enough visits to the hospital to last me a lifetime."

Takahiro looked up. Usagi stood before him. He was wearing a hospital scrub top that a nurse gave him. He threw the ruined button up in the trash. He didn't want anything to do with it.

"I thought you went home."

"No. I lurked in the halls. I wanted to give you some space but I will not leave him."

Usagi-san sat beside Takahiro and placed a hand on his friend's back. He rubbed his shoulder blades in a circular pattern.

"This is my fault, Usagi-san."

"No, it's not."

"Before you say that, you should read this. It is addressed to you after all." Takahiro handed the letter to Usagi who read it silently. Takahiro could hardly bare to watch him. "If I hadn't…he wouldn't have thought…he wouldn't have...I just wanted to protect him from all harm but I don't know how."

"You know, I had this teacher when I was younger."

"What?"

"He taught literature. His name was Mr. Ito. He was a pleasant man. His wife was expecting a child. I remember a poetry assignment he gave us. We had to write five different haikus about the same tree emphasizing different elements of nature and the cycle of life." Takahiro was confused, "Anyway, when I came in the next day we found out he had suffered from an aneurysm. He was gone."

"Why did you tell me that? What was the point?"

"The point is that we cannot protect anyone from all harm as much as we may like. Even if you had not made the choices you made; even if I was not a known writer with a malicious stalker; even if I had never met Misaki at all…there would still be violence and disease and car accidents and aneurysms. There are no guarantees. Everything we care about, and everyone, could be gone in an instant."

Takahiro grew frustrated and moved away from Usagi.

"So what do we do then?!"

"We love them," Usagi stated plainly "for as long as we can. We do so without reservation or regret."

Usagi and Takahiro embraced. The two of them waited together.

Nurse Akiyama walked up to them timidly.

"Excuse me, sir? He's awake."

* * *

***_"At times we __must purge things__ from this __world because they should not exist" _:This line is actually a quote from the video game, Deadly Premonition. It's one of my favorite and the line really touched me so I included it here.***


	14. Chapter 14

Misaki's head was throbbing. He stared down at his bandaged arm. It was the first thing he had seen when he opened his eyes. His first thought was "_I'm still here_. _Fuck_." He had had a long and exhausting discussion with Takahiro. He could tell his older sibling was doing his best to be strong for him but there were certain clues even he could not hide.

In Misaki's mind, surviving was the worst thing that could have happened. He felt like a teenage trying to sneak out of the house. Rather than slipping quietly out the back door as he intended he had clumsily crashed through the living room. Now he had to face Takahiro knowing he had broken his heart yet again. He clenched his one good fist as a surge of grief and fury washed over. If that damn nurse wasn't watching he'd be tempted to roll up these sheets and finish off the job right here and now.

"Hello."

Misaki jolted when he realized he wasn't alone.

"It's…you."

"Yes, it's me."

Misaki and Usagi gazed at each other for what felt like a long time. Misaki was the one who broke the silence.

"Why are you here?"

"I couldn't stay away. Would you care to take a walk with me?"

Misaki sighed.

"I don't think they'll let me. This place is like a prison."

"Don't worry about it. We'll just be stepping into the courtyard. I spoke with your physician. Since Takahiro gave his permission and you will be with me, they will allow it."

"Uhm, alright then. I mean only if you want to."

"I can think of nothing in the world I would enjoy more."

* * *

The weather was reasonable. Misaki had put on his sweater over his hospital gown. A small blanket was draped over his lap. Usagi pushed the wheel chair carefully. He slowed down for every bump in the sidewalk. Since Misaki was reticent, Usagi spoke up.

"I talked to Takahiro. He said you will be discharged the day after tomorrow depending on your mental state at the time."

"Yeah, that's what he told me too."

"He also said he had found a therapist for you to see. I think it would be good for you."

"Mhmm"

"Did he happen to mention that the office is only five minutes away from my apartment?"

Misaki was caught off guard he stammered his response, knowing what he wanted Usagi to say but too petrified to ask directly.

"N-n-no. That didn't come up."

"It would be very easy for you to get to your appointments from there."

Usagi stopped under a large tree. Cherry blossoms drifted down on the breeze and formed a carpet of crushed petals at their feet. He knelt beside Misaki's chair.

"It would?"

"Yes it would. That is, if you want to come to back to me."

"Shut up, baka! Don't you dare joke with me! Not about that!"

Usagi's face was solemn.

"Who's joking?"

Tears streamed down Misaki's face.

"But I'm…soiled. How could you ever look at me again?"

Usagi gently cupped his cheeks in his hands.

"How could I look at you? Easily. I'll look at you every morning when I wake up. I'll look at you every night when I go to sleep. I'll look at you across the table when we eat together and when we make love. Every single day until I am old and on my death bed. Then, when I pass away, I want the last thing I see in this whole god forsaken world to be your beautiful face which is far too pure to ever be soiled."

Misaki clutched Usagi's shirt and held him close. He didn't care who was watching or what they thought. For the first time since this hellish experience began, he was able to breathe. He finally felt safe. It was like he had been drowning and Usagi had resuscitated him.

"Usagi-san…I…I know this is a bit late but…I love you."

Usagi just smiled and kissed his passionately.

"I knew it all along."

* * *

**The End**

***Hello, I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for taking the time to read my story. I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Unfortunately all good things must come to an end. At this point I feel there is nowhere left for me to go with the story. I did my best to tie up the loose ends and give Usagi/Misaki a romantic finale befitting them. They more than earned it! I encourage you all to check out some of my other stuff I've done for other series if you feel so inclined.

Also, I've said it many times throughout this process but here's one more for the road: if you or someone close to you is going through trauma or suffering front mental illness I urge you to seek help. There are so many resources out there one can turn up with even a simple google search. I sincerely wish for you all to have peace in your hearts and minds.***


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